Romans 7:15-20  (NIV)

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Paul says it so plainly and clear that we keep doing what we don’t want to do because it is the sin within us that makes us do it… But why??? I keep struggling with this over and over. Every time I catch myself doing the thing that I despise, I keep asking “God what is wrong with me?” regardless of how well Paul wrote this scripture that describes these actions, I just can’t understand it… I keep asking God what it is that’s causing me to stumble, am I not praying right in order to be delivered from whatever it is that causes me to repeat the same mistake?…

Although I know Abba forgives us the moment we repent and He knows the struggle of sin in this world, I still want to learn how to be able to lessen my sins…

Since childhood, or better yet, since birth we have been thrown in the world of sin. We carry curses from our ancestors that we’re not even aware of… Then there are people speaking curses over us that only intensifies our sinful nature :'(

I seriously wonder so many times how can God still love us so much?! Every time He keeps forgiving and forgetting. Yet we willingly choose to keep  a file cabinet of all our wrong (like my pastor said last Sunday) and keep shaming ourselves for all we’ve done. We block ourselves from His blessings by constantly beating ourselves down when He’s already forgotten and forgiven.

Sad truth is that we can’t eliminate sin from this world BUT we can constantly pursue Him more and more and God alone can help us get stronger and not repeat our mistakes. Or even reveal what is the root of this repeated mistake by us being persistent in asking.

Whenever I have this struggle I keep thinking of David, and how Abba said he’s a man after His own heart. Remember how many mistakes David made? Like a ton!!! Yet still God called him that… It leaves me to believe that our hearts desire is to be aligned with God’s, regardless of the mistakes we make or keep making, our hearts are to be pure in desiring God’s heart and His will the best we can while on this earth… Papa knows our struggle, He sacrificed His only Son for us because He doesn’t want eternity without us!